Sunday, April 10, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
The idea of staying up late and sleeping late, like Holly Golightly has unwillingly become my life. Yet unlike Holly, I am not staying up late and going to party's and getting $50 to go to the powder room. I do watch Breakfast at Tiffany's when I can't sleep a lot, and I do wear a sleep mask a lot so that I can sleep in the mornings when its bright.
Everything is Relative
The term "Everything is Relative" really comes into play this weekend. It was a slam-bang weekend. It all started with *drumroll please* going to work at 9 am Saturday morning. I worked for seven hours, and on the way driving home, I actually felt pretty okay. I didn't feel like just coming home and curling into a ball. So I called my girlfriend, and said "Let's do something."
I got home, put some makeup on, and and we got ready to go. Now, this is two interesting things.
The first is putting makeup on. This used to be an everyday must for me. To even go to the grocery store, I was made up. Sweatpants were not for leaving the house. My hair was done. Now, I leave the house looking like I just rolled out of bed regularly. Before this evening I couldn't remember the last time I had a made up face that wasn't for an event like my sister's wedding. My theory back then was that making myself look a little better maybe would lead to me feeling a little better. Maybe it helped some, I managed to get through high school and college that way, although I didn't feel nearly as bad then as I do now. This led me to make a decision. No more slumming. Get up, change out of what I slept in. Brush my hair, and possibly put a little bit of makeup on. It doesn't have to put full fledged eye make-up and fully coiffed hair. It can just be brushed hair, with a little but of eye-liner and mascara. A little bit goes a long way they say.
The second interesting thing is the conundrum of where to go. From not working, there is a lack of money to go anywhere. We could go somewhere just for drinks, but I can't drink for my headaches. So we drove through the city for a bit, hoping to come across something interesting. Then it hit us... coffee! Technically I suppose I am not supposed to drink a lot of caffeine, but this is a rule I really cannot abide by. I am a caffeine addict, I admit, and trying to stop just really isn't an option to me. I like my coffee, I like my tea, I like my Mountain Dew. I am a slug and it gives me that extra push to get me off the couch long enough to pour myself another glass. One time my doctor told me that I should cut back to one caffeinated beverage a day in order to help control my tremor. I was in hell and I don't really feel like my tremor was helped at all.
By about 8:30 though I was worn out and we came home and watched a movie in bed. Despite being utterly exhausted, I didn't fall asleep until about 1am. And then I woke up at 6am, and keep waking up and falling asleep for about 15 minute intervals until about 11 when I gave up trying to get a decent sleep. My roommate and her boyfriend were out in the kitchen and she wanted pancakes, so we had pancakes and bacon, and hung out.
Then my girlfriend and I worked on some household chores-- cleaning and weatherproofing, since I live in and old, old house and it is a cold, cold winter. We had to go to a store to get some items for weather proofing. And here is a problem. I took two wrong turns to get to the store that I have been to many times before and is not too far from my house. I know how to get there. I am not sure what made me get lost getting there, but I find it concerning. I recently changed my medications. I was taken off of my Prozac and Ativan (Lorazapam) and put on Cymbalta 60 mg. I don't know if this is the cause, or if there is another reason. Another problem is that I was trying to take my shower curtain down to wash it and I could not get the shower curtain rings to open; I was not strong enough. I had to have my girlfriend, savior that she is, do it. I am losing strength still. Then another friend came over and we got pizza and talked for a while, and then we played cards until about 11, and then we all went to bed by midnight. Again, I fell asleep around 1-1:30.
I got home, put some makeup on, and and we got ready to go. Now, this is two interesting things.
The first is putting makeup on. This used to be an everyday must for me. To even go to the grocery store, I was made up. Sweatpants were not for leaving the house. My hair was done. Now, I leave the house looking like I just rolled out of bed regularly. Before this evening I couldn't remember the last time I had a made up face that wasn't for an event like my sister's wedding. My theory back then was that making myself look a little better maybe would lead to me feeling a little better. Maybe it helped some, I managed to get through high school and college that way, although I didn't feel nearly as bad then as I do now. This led me to make a decision. No more slumming. Get up, change out of what I slept in. Brush my hair, and possibly put a little bit of makeup on. It doesn't have to put full fledged eye make-up and fully coiffed hair. It can just be brushed hair, with a little but of eye-liner and mascara. A little bit goes a long way they say.
The second interesting thing is the conundrum of where to go. From not working, there is a lack of money to go anywhere. We could go somewhere just for drinks, but I can't drink for my headaches. So we drove through the city for a bit, hoping to come across something interesting. Then it hit us... coffee! Technically I suppose I am not supposed to drink a lot of caffeine, but this is a rule I really cannot abide by. I am a caffeine addict, I admit, and trying to stop just really isn't an option to me. I like my coffee, I like my tea, I like my Mountain Dew. I am a slug and it gives me that extra push to get me off the couch long enough to pour myself another glass. One time my doctor told me that I should cut back to one caffeinated beverage a day in order to help control my tremor. I was in hell and I don't really feel like my tremor was helped at all.
By about 8:30 though I was worn out and we came home and watched a movie in bed. Despite being utterly exhausted, I didn't fall asleep until about 1am. And then I woke up at 6am, and keep waking up and falling asleep for about 15 minute intervals until about 11 when I gave up trying to get a decent sleep. My roommate and her boyfriend were out in the kitchen and she wanted pancakes, so we had pancakes and bacon, and hung out.
Then my girlfriend and I worked on some household chores-- cleaning and weatherproofing, since I live in and old, old house and it is a cold, cold winter. We had to go to a store to get some items for weather proofing. And here is a problem. I took two wrong turns to get to the store that I have been to many times before and is not too far from my house. I know how to get there. I am not sure what made me get lost getting there, but I find it concerning. I recently changed my medications. I was taken off of my Prozac and Ativan (Lorazapam) and put on Cymbalta 60 mg. I don't know if this is the cause, or if there is another reason. Another problem is that I was trying to take my shower curtain down to wash it and I could not get the shower curtain rings to open; I was not strong enough. I had to have my girlfriend, savior that she is, do it. I am losing strength still. Then another friend came over and we got pizza and talked for a while, and then we played cards until about 11, and then we all went to bed by midnight. Again, I fell asleep around 1-1:30.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sunday 1/30/2010
Today I had to go to work again. I was very tempted to call in sick since I woke up feeling bad and off. I forced myself to haul my ass out of bed and go, though, and be semi-peppy throughout the day, despite it being rather difficult today.
I went to work, albeit, running late, and looking like I was running late in sweatpants and a devil-may-care hair style. At least I am pretending it was, it may have just been a not-brushed hairstyle.
I tried to have a laid back day and work, and I was working at a house where this was possible. I made sure that I had some caffeine this morning to jump start my day.
I went through my day, several times being tempted to tell my very understand co-worker that I needed to come home. I really did not want to do this though, and managed to push through. I took an Anaprox at one point and this may have helped mildly, I am not quite sure.
After I left work I went to my parents house for dinner, my dad just got home from a convention across the country. I talked to them and spent about three hours with them, hearing about the convention, talking about work, my upcoming appointments this week, and things of that nature.
I came home, feeling very exhausted, and my girlfriend was not feeling well, which immediately put how I am feeling out of my mind. Things seem to have mellowed now though, the imminent worry of why has passed.
There are some other things from today that have made it not such a great day. Complicated things that I feel like my health has yet again interfered with my life. My girlfriend her application to graduate school, and I have decided not to apply right now. I am extremely excited for her, of course, and I want her to go; it is however a little difficult to watch her so excited about the application submission and starting grad school, when I feel like I am held back. I feel like not going is the right decision for me at this point in time, but right decisions aren't always easily accepted, are they?
I went to work, albeit, running late, and looking like I was running late in sweatpants and a devil-may-care hair style. At least I am pretending it was, it may have just been a not-brushed hairstyle.
I tried to have a laid back day and work, and I was working at a house where this was possible. I made sure that I had some caffeine this morning to jump start my day.
I went through my day, several times being tempted to tell my very understand co-worker that I needed to come home. I really did not want to do this though, and managed to push through. I took an Anaprox at one point and this may have helped mildly, I am not quite sure.
After I left work I went to my parents house for dinner, my dad just got home from a convention across the country. I talked to them and spent about three hours with them, hearing about the convention, talking about work, my upcoming appointments this week, and things of that nature.
I came home, feeling very exhausted, and my girlfriend was not feeling well, which immediately put how I am feeling out of my mind. Things seem to have mellowed now though, the imminent worry of why has passed.
There are some other things from today that have made it not such a great day. Complicated things that I feel like my health has yet again interfered with my life. My girlfriend her application to graduate school, and I have decided not to apply right now. I am extremely excited for her, of course, and I want her to go; it is however a little difficult to watch her so excited about the application submission and starting grad school, when I feel like I am held back. I feel like not going is the right decision for me at this point in time, but right decisions aren't always easily accepted, are they?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
A not-irritating image...
I found this image called "headache" online that I really like. Normally pictures that are supposed to reflect headaches drive me crazy and make my headache worse. This one I thought was interesting though.
Friday 1/28/2011
Today was a long day. I work at different houses and I worked at the first house from 8am to 2pm. I worked at a second house from 2:30pm to 10pm. It was very long considering I am used to working 2 eight hour days and 1 7 hour day a week. But I made it through it.
My head was okay... around 5 I needed to take an Anaprox, and I made sure to drink a lot of water throughout the entire day. I just tried to be calm and not be tense throughout the day.
My back and arms were troublesome, and in a lot of pain. That could have been because I had to shovel out the company vehicle from about 8 inches of snow that was plowed in. Or it could be the possible fibromyalgia. Or it could be a combination of both.
I have an appointment this week with the headache center and I am going to talk to them about lowering my dose of Topamax. I am at 200 mg and I am finding cognitive problems with it. I lose words; it took me two minutes to think of the word for vest, which I believe I wrote about. I also keep mixing up colors. I asked my girlfriend to pass me something that was green... when there was nothing green nearby. I mean the orange object that was sitting next to her and was quite frustrated when she didn't know what I was talking about. At another point I mentioned my orange sweatshirt, when my sweatshirt was a golden color. My tremor is also quite bad and I would like it to either stop or at least be more manageable.
I found a new website called Medhelp.com (www.medhelp.com). Here, you can use many kinds of trackers, weight loss trackers, and symptom trackers. They have one for migraines that I am going to try to use, perhaps it will be a little easier to use than the old pen and paper, and it charts your progress, much better that I would be able to do.
PM meds taken, 1 Anaprox taken.
My head was okay... around 5 I needed to take an Anaprox, and I made sure to drink a lot of water throughout the entire day. I just tried to be calm and not be tense throughout the day.
My back and arms were troublesome, and in a lot of pain. That could have been because I had to shovel out the company vehicle from about 8 inches of snow that was plowed in. Or it could be the possible fibromyalgia. Or it could be a combination of both.
I have an appointment this week with the headache center and I am going to talk to them about lowering my dose of Topamax. I am at 200 mg and I am finding cognitive problems with it. I lose words; it took me two minutes to think of the word for vest, which I believe I wrote about. I also keep mixing up colors. I asked my girlfriend to pass me something that was green... when there was nothing green nearby. I mean the orange object that was sitting next to her and was quite frustrated when she didn't know what I was talking about. At another point I mentioned my orange sweatshirt, when my sweatshirt was a golden color. My tremor is also quite bad and I would like it to either stop or at least be more manageable.
I found a new website called Medhelp.com (www.medhelp.com). Here, you can use many kinds of trackers, weight loss trackers, and symptom trackers. They have one for migraines that I am going to try to use, perhaps it will be a little easier to use than the old pen and paper, and it charts your progress, much better that I would be able to do.
PM meds taken, 1 Anaprox taken.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Tuesday 1/18/2011
Woke up feeling great, spent the day with one of my good friends, out, running errands. Came home, worked on the disorganization in my life, still feeling good, tired, but good. My girlfriend got home and we went to her mom's house and talked a bit and then we ran some errands as well. We came home and worked a little bit and then went to bed.
The day overall was very laid back. But it was an extremely great day because I good throughout the entire day. I had a lowgrade headache through the entire day. Nothing major. I wasn't worried about anything, I was mostly just living in the moment.
AM vitamins taken, afternoon vitamins taken, PM meds taken.
The day overall was very laid back. But it was an extremely great day because I good throughout the entire day. I had a lowgrade headache through the entire day. Nothing major. I wasn't worried about anything, I was mostly just living in the moment.
AM vitamins taken, afternoon vitamins taken, PM meds taken.
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